Listen with compassion

On my morning walk today I overheard two neighbors crossing their paths (while maintaining a safe social distance), and one of them asked the other: “How are you feeling about what’s happening with the virus?” “Well,” replied the neighbor, “every day it’s a different feeling.” For many of us, our world had suddenly been turned upside down. It is perfectly normal to be confused and move through a wide range of feelings about what’s going on; after all, we have never experienced anything like this before. And now is more important than ever to create opportunities for ourselves and for others to talk it through. But this is only possible if the other party is truly listening.

Amy Cuddy in her book Presence writes: “Real listening can’t happen unless we have a sincere desire to understand what we’re hearing. And that’s not an easy thing to manage, because it requires us to suspend judgment—even when we’re feeling frustrated or scared or impatient or bored and even when we feel threatened or anxious about what we’re about to hear (because we think we know it or because we don’t know it). We have to give other people space and safety to be honest—and we can’t respond defensively when we’re listening.”

This week let’s practice compassionate listening, giving our friends and family members an opportunity to talk about their thoughts and feelings.

HOW TO: Call your loved ones and ask them how they are doing. And then just listen. Don’t interrupt, don’t finish their sentences, don’t insert your opinions–just let them talk. Ask relevant questions. Practice listening and expressing compassion for what they are going through.